dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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