Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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