is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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