Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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