I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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