i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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