I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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