i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
