ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
