i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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