The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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