I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you would pick up someone in the library
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
