i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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