So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
