I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
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I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
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turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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