think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
