Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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