$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
