oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
