She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
