I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My dick has a subreddit
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
