I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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