so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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