just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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