it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
