it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
