Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Found the puke drawer
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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