she woke up with a sticky ear
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
