She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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