He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
