it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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