Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
