By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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