Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
