When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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