Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
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in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
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And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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