clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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