oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
