Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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