I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
