I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
