I just threw up on my dentist
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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