so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
