Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
