Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
