Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
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...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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