Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
