There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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