im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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