Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
