You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
