The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
