There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
