We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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