bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
