I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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