My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I don't deserve a penis
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
