She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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