I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
