I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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