Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
