my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
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