Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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