I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
