If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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