I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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