I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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