i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
