at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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