chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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