Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
