I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
