CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
