upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
