i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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