So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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