Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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