that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
