Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
