How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
