break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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