I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
