direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
