Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
