I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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