Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
