yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
